I’ve made some bad assumptions

I’ve made some bad assumptions over the course of my life. I’m sure I’ll continue to make other bad assumptions. That’s part of what it means to be human after all. We start with an assumption that our thoughts, experiences, beliefs, and more are “normal.” And as we go through life, we learn that isn’t the case. Or at the very least, our own way of doing things and living life isn’t the most common way to doing things.

I’m not sure why it takes so long though to figure some of this stuff out.

I have talked before about waking up and hoping beyond hope that humanity will change and just be better to each other. And every day I end up disappointed. Maybe my expectations are just too high. Or maybe I’m assuming that lots of people want to improve. Regardless, I have realized this is a ridiculous expectation. I’m the one being irrational. Humanity has a long, painful history of not being kind to one another. What makes me think this would change during my lifetime?

I’m getting a better understanding of Jesus’ phrase “the poor you will always have with you.” We could easily expand that phrase to include war, violence, crime, cruelty, abuse, manipulation, con artists, power hungry people, corruption, destruction, and more. The names of the people involved change, but the stories are always essentially the same at their core.

I make bad assumptions that everyone is capable of (fill in the blank with your favorite option). Reality doesn’t show this to be true. There are a certain percentage of any population that either doesn’t possess the capacity, know how, or desire to (do the thing you listed above). That doesn’t make some better than others. It means we all have capacity issues; we lack knowledge of how to do things, or we just don’t have the desire to grow in certain areas of life. It makes us human. The only thing that changes is what each of us lack or are incapable of.

Here’s a simple personal example. I have a fear of heights. Lots of people assume that someone with this fear can overcome it through a variety of methods (going up into a high height being the primary one). I’ve tried that several times. These often make for humorous stories – the contrast of a height that is perfectly safe but my mind and body being terrified regardless. I think it is safe to argue that I have a capacity issue with this. I don’t see myself being able to overcome this fear – regardless of what I try. My brain just won’t let me. So that means I have to adapt and adjust. I make peace with this reality that I have a capacity issue with heights. It humbles me and reminds me of my limitations. It makes me human and helps me to better see the humanity of others with their limitations.

We make bad assumptions in other ways too. Far too often when we hear someone speaking, we assume that we share the meaning of the words being used. We assume that everyone cares equally about how the words are used. We assume our understanding of the words uses is the correct way to use the words. No wonder we have conflicts. When it comes to things of importance and identity and core beliefs, when we stick to our assumptions, we are putting a great divide between ourselves and the one speaking. We are making “us” and “them.” We are judging and condemning, based on our own standards.

And I’m not even talking about mental health issues, values, context, environment, the past, or anything else. Throw those into the mix, and it’s a miracle that we can communicate anything at all.

There seems to be this tendency in humans to focus on stories – especially stories that evoke feeling. That’s not surprising. These stories help us feel our humanity. We love stories with a hero, or where we are the hero. We love stories that have a disaster as well – especially when that disaster can be overcome. We love stories of love and hatred. We love stories that evoke strong emotion from us. We feel alive – regardless of whether that emotion is positive or negative.

So what stories do you cling to? What stories are your go-to stories? The ones that you know by heart. The ones that have shaped who you are and what you do.

One story I cling to is the story of the one who came into the world, walked among the suffering and poor and outcast, healed people and set people free, and offered good news and hope that transforms people and the world. And loved so deep that he was willing to take the worst cruelty that humanity had to offer and invite people to a far different and better way of being and living. That’s the summary version of Jesus. It’s a story that has been told over and over again, but with variations and different focuses. There are competing versions of this story – conflicting in important ways to the point that it doesn’t even sound like the same story.

But it’s the story I cling to because it offers meaning to life. I can’t do the same things that he did. All the news stories and other stories out there remind me daily of my own, and the rest of humanity’s, limitations. They are stories that remind us that we are not in control, have never been in control, and will not be in control. But we sure do love the idea of being in control – it’s a delusion we crave and are willing to buy into, so we don’t have to deal with our own limitations.

Every one of these stories that are told are evidence of that human desire for control and what is often the result – destruction and hopelessness. Considering our own existence in relation to the expanse of the universe, we should easily see that we have no control because we are not even a fraction of a speck in comparison. Life on this planet could be wiped out in an instant without our being able to do anything about it. And we would be forgotten very quickly.

But the story I cling to gives me hope. Not that humanity will change. Or that terrible things won’t happen. Or that there won’t be pain and suffering. No, I cling to the story because it makes me feel alive. I feel the emotions.

Rene Descartes had the famous dictum – “I think, therefore I am.” I don’t think that covers it completely. That’s humanity getting stuck in its head. We are far more than just a brain. I think, feel, learn, have limitation, therefore I am. I have been given value and worth, therefore I am. Even those don’t cover it.

My prayer for humanity is that we are released from our desire for control and knowing. It’s a ridiculous prayer given humanity’s history. It’s not a matter of the prayer being answered in an all or nothing way though. I pray this prayer because I think it offers hope that we aren’t going to make the changes necessary, that we can’t fix it all, and that we remember our limitations. When we make peace with that, I think that’s when the real transformation happens.