Self and Others

Here’s an observation about the United States in 2025 – there are three key active conflicts in this society. There are obviously more than these, but these are the ones that I observe.

First conflict – We spend a great deal of time and energy trying to change other people – especially when it comes to what we consider right morally and politically. We are convinced we are right and that anyone who disagrees, doesn’t just hold a differing opinion based on their life experience. Instead, they are wrong, or worse – evil. American society sees things in a dichotomy of either/or far too often. Most of the time we don’t need to take the conflict to that level. Apparently there are only ever two options, which are diametrically opposed to each other. This creates a ton of problems for us. It means we are in a constant conflict for who is right. It’s a battle that never ends because we will always find another enemy to fight. I wonder if part of the reason we do this has to do with our own identities. I don’t think it’s too far of an argument to say that more often than not we claim our identity based on who/what we are not and what we are opposed to, rather than who/what we actually are and what we actually believe in and support. We know what we don’t like, we know what we don’t want, but we often struggle with who we actually are and what it is we actually like and want.

And the further we go down that path of always seeing an enemy, the higher the stakes. In the end, we all lose. We lose relationships, we lose rights, we lose the things we love, we lose our democracy, we lose civility, we lose prosperity, we lose stewardship, we lose our faith communities, we lose everything. It’s like two people arguing over a hole in a boat as it sinks. Instead of trying to work together to plug the hole and get rid of the water, they bicker and blame until the boat sinks and they drown.

It seems as though people would prefer that everyone lose everything, rather than give in to the notion that maybe, just maybe, there are other options.

I think we waste a lot of time trying to convince others of their wrongness, especially when we encounter so many who have no intention or inclination to be open to the possibility that there may be another way. And really, are we open to that as well? Or are we so sure that we are right that we are willing to sink the boat just to make sure that someone else doesn’t get anything either?

Imagine instead what the world would be like if instead of trying to convince people, we tried to learn about them, tried to understand where they are coming from and what they are afraid of, and invited them into something different.

Second conflict – selfishness versus communal responsibility. In a way, this relates to the first conflict. Are you all that matters? Do you have a responsibility to the greater good? If you don’t think so, then realize that comes at a cost. Not only does that mean you are also going to suffer, but it gets to much deeper issues.

This country has long had this conflict – rugged individualism versus community responsibility. But we moved much further in the direction of individualism than ever before to a toxic, harmful level. Individualism isn’t terrible on the surface. One can argue that there is something healthy about it. But like all things, there’s a range. Once you go beyond that range, too much is unhealthy and destructive. That’s where we are now.

The Enlightenment philosophers wrote about these things back in the 1700’s – John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Jean Jacque Rousseau, etc. We’re talking about the social contract versus Leviathan where life is short, nasty, and brutish. Hobbes was talking about an everyone for themselves situation – toxic individualism.

The recent decision by the Florida Surgeon General is a prime example of this. His argument to end all vaccine mandates for schools is toxic individualism, and we’re all going to suffer the consequences of that terrible decision. He argues that the government can’t tell parents how to care for their children. Yes, the government can, because this isn’t about parenting. It’s about public health. This isn’t just about you and your kid. If your kid is a carrier of a contagious disease, and they come in contact with another child, adult, or senior who have a compromised immune system, your kid may be essentially sentencing that other person to death, or possible permanent harm. The Florida Surgeon General is violating the Social Contract and putting others in harms way. They aren’t asking for that risk, but an individual is putting themselves and their own interests ahead of the common good. If we are going to do that, then there is no need for an organized society. We will fall into a state of Leviathan. And when we do, communicable diseases will the be the least of our concerns.

Imagine instead healthy individualism mixed with community responsibility. We have freedom to do things while at the same time looking out for the wellbeing of others – especially those on the margins of society recognizing that one impacts one person impacts everyone. We are not islands. We are connected. Yeah, you might not get everything you ever wanted, but boundaries and limitations can be helpful so that more people are well off.

The third conflict is about religion – Christianity, more specifically. Religion, at its core, is really about one thing – seeing the divine in humanity and creation, and then acting in accordance with that. In Christianity, we call that the Imago Dei – that humanity being made in the image and likeness of God.

This conflict comes down to the definition of freedom – do we have the freedom of religion or the freedom to impose religion on others. This is a long fought over conflict. It’s the Puritans versus the Founding Fathers of this nation. This conflict also relates to the two previous points.

Are we most concerned with being right and have the correct belief? If so, then it is an easy step to dehumanize anyone who disagrees with us. And to believe that violence against a person is divinely justified. We become so very selfish that we twist God and use God for our own purposes and power. That’s taking the Lord’s name in vain, by the way.

But if humans are made in the image and likeness of God, then we encounter God most often when we are in contact with other humans. That means God is pretty diverse in a variety of ways. And that very idea comes in conflict with humanity’s addiction to control and knowing. When we dehumanize, we are actively rejecting God. We make being right into an idol. We put ourselves on the throne of heaven twisting God into a version of some power hungry human. When we demean and attack and dehumanize, we are taking God’s name in vain because we are rejecting God and God’s creation, God’s likeness, and God’s image, all for our own power and control.

Imagine instead that religion cleared our eyes to better see the divine in others and in creation. Imagine how the world would be different. Imagine how we would approach challenges in society differently.

These conflicts are nothing new. Humanity if full of history in which we continually choose to exert control over others thinking that it will work when it never has. We continually dehumanize. We continually use God for our own purposes. We turn inward on ourselves thinking that we will be exempt for the consequences of our selfishness. And then we find out that is not the case. But instead of learning from these things, we shift blame.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to keep relearning the same errors and horrors. We don’t have to be selfish. We don’t have to use religion in a toxic manner. We don’t have to pretend that we are not connected. We don’t have to keep believing that we are right and everyone else is wrong – trying to change everyone else to meet our own image. We don’t have to, but humanity has a long history of doing just that.

Thankfully there are examples of people who rejected these patterns. They show a way forward even when the masses blindly follow the historical patterns. And it is those who reject these patterns that offer us hope. Not that humanity will change its ways – but rather that we don’t have to follow blindly. There is another way. A better way. You are invited to participate.