What I pray for

Every Wednesday afternoon, I head down to the medical outreach waiting area with this sign. It says “Free Prayers.” I have learned during my time at Christ Lutheran that it is best to wear my collar and jeans. People see that I’m clergy, but the jeans make me approachable. It works in this setting.

The people who come to the medical outreach are so many things. A range really. They would be classified as poor. The zip code the church is in is one of the more economically challenged parts of Harrisburg, if not PA.

They are often lonely. For some people, the only human interaction they will have all day is in the clinic.

Many face a variety of physical and mental challenges. Some are homeless. There are people who check the boxes for groups of people that we could say are targeted for a variety of reasons that I’m not going to go into in a public forum.

I come down and sit in the waiting room with my sign. And wait. And while I wait, I pray. My prayers have evolved over time. I’m often praying for loved ones, for the nurses and staff in the clinic, for the church building and congregation, etc.

Lately I’ve been praying for the nation and naming specific elected officials. But I’m struggling with what to pray for. I name certain elected officials. I think it’s important to name them, rather than just a general prayer for elected officials. I don’t believe in praying for these elected officials to all of a sudden change and start governing the way I want them to. That seems a bit selfish and self centered.

During yesterday’s prayer time I named the president. And then I stopped. I didn’t know what to pray for him. He certainly needs prayers. I prayed that his heart might soften. I prayed that he might see the humanity of others. I struggled with the prayer. I also believe in praying for people in ways that seem realistic. Here’s a man who has lived his 78+ years with a hardened heart. What kind of prayer do you offer for such a person? What do you pray for someone who seems to have no interest in being transformed? Often, I’m at a loss of what to pray. I just sit in silence. Offering up names and saying “Lord, they are in your hands. I don’t know what to pray.” Maybe that’s the most honest prayer of all.

Most weeks there are people who come and sit down and talk with me and ask for prayers. I hear their stories, about their families, their housing and work situations. They tell me about jail times, shootings, drug addictions, trafficking, carrying weapons for defense, housing troubles, relationship problems, money problems, and more. They are sincere. They are vulnerable. And while they may not be church people in the sense of setting foot in a traditional sanctuary, the waiting room is their sanctuary. It’s where they encounter healing and being heard. Their humanity is seen without judgement. They ask for help and that is what they receive. They know they can come to the clinic. They trust it. We don’t ask any intake information, or demographic information, or legal status, or insurance status, or ability to pay, or anything like that. We ask what their first name is and what’s going on that brought them in. And then go from there.

I pray for the people who come to the clinic. I can’t even fathom what life is like for them. But I have learned that each one of them is a survivor. They know how to survive under the hardest of conditions. Which is why I think they rarely talk about any of the larger challenges we are currently facing. They know they can’t do anything about any of it. They can only worry about surviving. And they are pretty good at it.

Until they aren’t. From time to time I’ll hear about a regular who had come to the clinic. I would hear about how their body was found a day or two beforehand. I would hear how they overdosed. I would hear about they were gunned down. I would hear how they froze to death. Survival only lasts so long until you run out of luck, or strength, or whatever else you have.

My prayers have changed. I mourn often. I lament. I listen and sit in silence much more, not knowing what to say. I offer what I have, which isn’t much. I put it God’s hands because what else am I going to do.

These days my prayers are less about trying to change other people and more about asking God what God wants from me, and how God needs to transform me to live into this call. And the courage to stay true to the course. To not let hatred and anger and fear take over. How I can keep offering encouragement and hope to so many people that yearn for it. How I can keep proclaiming Good News in the midst of cruelty, violence, fear, and death.

That is what I pray for.