Bitter or Better?

I’m currently reading “A Selfish Plan to Change the World” by Justin Dillon. In the book, the author has a small section entitled “Bitter or Better.” It’s about how we have a choice when we face failure. There’s a whole book worth of ideas that could be written on this topic, especially as we finish out 2024.

Are we going to be bitter or better when it comes to our politics? There’s a whole lot of polarization, anger, fear, and more. People aren’t talking to one another over so many things. Cruelty seems to be ramping up in how people act towards others and what possible policies might be enacted. We have a choice – we can be bitter about all of it, or we can be better. Bitter is easy. Just focus on how right you are about any given topic rather than doing something. Bitter can feel good in a weird kind of way – bitter has feeling to it. Bitter requires no responsibility. Bitter is just shouting loud. Bitter is burning bridges. Bitter is escaping to a fantasy world. But better is hard work. Better doesn’t mean accepting things as they are or whatever direction they are headed in. Better sees what is and says – “there’s a better way, even if I don’t know what it is.” Better tries things until you get a better result. Better doesn’t quit when the odds are against you and no one seems to be listening. Better adapts and adjusts in order to make an impact. Bitter is like a sugar high – it feels good in the short term, but it dies off pretty quickly, leaving you tired and hungry. Better is a steady diet that improves your health – it’s choices made every day on what you are putting into your body. Are we going to be bitter or better?

Are we going to be bitter or better when it comes to the church? There’s plenty to complain about. The pews are filled like they used to how ever long ago. There’s scandals in which leaders in the church did no one any favors by covering up and are now being exposed. There’s less money. The clergy are retiring and fewer younger pastors are coming up. The people in the pews are aging as well. Let’s not even get started about the needs of the buildings. Being bitter about all of this and more is easy. Just focus on how right you are on any given topic rather than doing something. Bitter feels good – like righteous indignation. Bitter allows you to complain about the culture, or the youth, or the old people, or the clergy, or the institution, or whatever scapegoat you feel you need to sacrifice. Bitter demands someone else fix the church while you sit back and do nothing to contribute. Bitter complains about changes and adjustments. Bitter is easy. But better is hard work. Better sees the reality for what it is and tries to make needed changes – not because the past was terrible, but because we aren’t in the past any more. Better recognizes our brokenness and stops looking for a human savior to “fix” the church – rather to listen to the Spirit and see what Jesus is already up to in the midst of the church. Better reminds us that the church exists for the sake of those outside the church – not to make the church a special club where membership has its benefits. Better serves and boy is that really frustrating and exhausting and difficult. But better is so very worth it. Because better means that Jesus shows up and transformation happens and communities and lives are changed in incredible ways. Are we going to be bitter or better?

That’s the only question that matters right now – are we going to be bitter or better? Are we going to be bitter or better when it comes to our money? Our relationships? Our faith? Our entertainment? Our work? Our health? How we treat people different from ourselves? How we tackle societal challenges like poverty and homelessness, climate change, health care and paying for it, technology, transportation, education, travel, play, the Internet, businesses, and more. Are we going to be bitter or better?

I’m tired of the bitterness. it’s exhausting just listening to it. It sucks the life out of me. I’m not interested in bitter. You can have it.

I know that better is difficult. I know that we are going to face some serious obstacles in the months and years ahead. I know we will encounter plenty of bitter people. I know we will come up against policies and beliefs that are grounded in bitterness. But there is always a forward. It might not seem like the most obvious path. Often the way forward is not with a frontal assault on bitterness. Bitterness is like a 20′ high wall with barbed wire on the top. You don’t get past the wall by running into it or trying to climb over it. You assess the situation, see what resources available, see who is present, study the wall and find out the weaknesses. You figure out the best timing available. You determine if you need distractions to pull attention away. And then you go. And if you fail, you learn. And you try again. And again. And again. Until you get past it. And you know that there will be another obstacles and wall in the way soon enough. And you keep going. You keep learning. You keep getting better.

Bitter stops you in your tracks. They want you to stop. They want you to give up. They want you to be bitter. Don’t give them that. It only feeds them and gives them an excuse for their own bitterness and cruelty and what they inflict on others. Don’t become the very thing you are fighting. Be better.

Bitter or better?